I am a novice writer, but have lots of thoughts and experiences to share and hope they help others give them courage to speak up to those who push you into a box to suppress your true talents. For the sake of protecting the identity of the suppressors and me, I will use pseudonyms only.
To me DEI begins with conversations, sharing stories and educating people on what behaviors destroy people’s soul in a workplace and not to mention any type of Diversity, Inclusion and Equity initiative. There is not point to having a DEI committee, if its just a box to check off.
September, 13th, 2021
The Microaggressions that Stay with you Forever
“Be less of a “you” today, I mean be you but…you know what I mean”
It was a new beginning. Our 16 employee start-up had been acquired and it was time to meet the new teams! It was 9am and as we walk in to a crowd the size of an organization, my boss whispers: “Be less of “Martina” today, I mean be you but…you know what I mean.
My parents taught me to be prudent and not to challenge authority. In my culture, it’s considered “talking back” and considered disrespectful. So I kept it all to myself and processed it in my mind.
The mind of Martina: “Um, no I don’t know what you mean, should I be less cheerful?” Wait, am I a “loud latina”?
2 hours in the meeting, I barely got a word out in fear that I would screw up. Why is that? “I played a huge part of the success of this company. I am a founding employee, you’d think I’d be well respected and could be myself around a company who purchased us for a reason.”
Doubts go through Martina’s mind, is it because my English is not on par with the rest? After all, I did not obtain my high school or college degree in the US. My English is basic, but that does not represent what I can do or what I’ve done.
Great, people start asking about their level of education and the schools they went to. I feel proud about my business degree and feel great to say that I started college at 16 and finished at 21, yup a 5 year degree! In El Salvador, I am a “Licenciada”, but I don’t do labels – So I’m Martina for anyone, no matter who you are. I then for some reason felt embarrassed about where I went to school. Maybe because most people went to Ivy league schools. When I was a kid I use to dream of going to one, but my father always said it would not be possible because he could not afford it.
By the end of the day, we went to dinner and I felt drained. Not because I was talking all day long, but because I was second guessing myself with every word that came out my mouth.
I use to be more outgoing, now people think I’m shy or quiet. I call it PTSD from the white lady who told me not to be myself. Slowly, I am healing, forgiving and finding myself again. I am starting to “talk back”, will share with time. Stay tuned.
Martina
www.self-inclusion.com 